Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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