um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
