Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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