genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
