i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
