OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
