That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
