just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
