i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
