She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
