I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
