You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
