im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
