You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
