plz talk dirty to me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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