I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
40s are totally the cure
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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