i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
