You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
soo... how was my night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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