just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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