I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize