Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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