Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
