My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
