Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
