dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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