you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
