hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
