What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
