i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
