Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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