she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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