He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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