why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
