I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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