i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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