ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
