i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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