why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
