I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
