Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
