she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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