I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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