Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
