you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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