he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
