He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
