i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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