you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
