I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
