I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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