even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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