Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
