Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
