I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
