I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
