; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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