1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
