I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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