I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
