walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
