just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dick has a subreddit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
