i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
