you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize