hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
where are my eyebrows?
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