Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
