FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
